#makes me quite emotional
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Yesterday I watched the Gear Five episodes. And boi, mindblowing. It achieved exactly what it wanted: I sat giggling on the couch and watched in utter glee. The pure joy! He truly is joyboy, i geuss.
Once again i realised, i love one piece. It came so far as a story and after all this years its still so unbelievable good. I'm very happy i picked the show up again after a pretty long pause. But still, after nearly ten years i struggle to find words for my admiration towards Luffy, his outlook on life and the show itself.
Its the most joyful, fun, exciting and intriguing show i've ever seen. It manages to surprise me again and again and again, keeps me on my toes and marveling. I still have no fitting words for it.
It had and has a big impact on my life. It helped me in my very dark times, Luffy was a big rolemodel for me, he motivated me to overcome my fears and pursue what is important to me. And i know for a fact, i'm not the only one.
This piece of fiction holds a very special place in my heart and probably always will ❤️
#one piece#one piece thoughts#im training to be a therapist and treated people who choose him to be their personal compass and caring companion#it just touches me very deeply#makes me quite emotional#mugiwara no luffy#joy boy#sun god nika#one piece love
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Me: i dont rlly care about minecraft rp characters having canon sexualities, I feel like most servers just go from the fantasy books logic in wich this is a place ppl just don't have labels at all and/or characters are matched by the plot and their orientation is simply malleable by plot priorities and that's fine...
Bagi, cellbit, fit, jaiden, mike and bad: here is my character that is canonicaly gay/lesbian/aroace/aro and their orientation is brought up and it makes them have even more depth when considering backstory and current storyline
Me:
#the gay guy from a quite homofobic war wasteland#the two aroace characters that have their own playonic life partners and families that values them just as much as their romantic partners#they all make me so emotional#qsmp#jaiden animations#cellbit#fitmc#badboyhalo#mikethelink#bagi cattuzzo
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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The part 2 of damian asking anya 's hand was so cute, thanks for taking my request
If u accept requests could u plz draw Loid secretly spying on Anya on her date with Damian seeing if he is a good bf or not
#i swear i wasnt planning on making this emotional#djdhdhd#loidy still sees her as his silly lil peanut girl who hates studying and wants a silenced pistol#over a decade has passed since then??? who cares????#loid forger#anya forger#damian desmond#damianya#spy x family#i've been having a very yucky art block. and im still not quite over it but im tryingggg#please bear with me other 2 requests#my art
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNJIN 🖤
#hyunjin#skz#bystay#staydaily#gifs#stray kids#love u with every fiber found within me. no one has ever impacted my life quite like you#i will be thinking about you even at the ends of the world#I WILL NEVER LET U GOOO O OO OO. OOOOOH my everything forever and ever like we are 4lyfers for real#if he asked i would hand pick stars from the sky for him just like flowers#😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞❤️❤️#idk why im getting so emotional rn like woah hh h woahhh woahhh#ive never been more proud and excited to be a fan of someone#the passion love and care u put in to everything u do is unmatched and#im looking forward to future knowing how u want to improve at things u love#even though to me u are perfect rn as u are#but the thought of u wanting to show us even greater things in the future makes me vibrate#thank u for being u and bringing light and love to my life every day 🥹#i hope the whole universe brings u all the love back u give to it#YIPPIEEEWW MIGHT OF SHED A TEAR#HAPPY BDAY MY LOVIEEEEEEEEE ILYYYYYYY
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How much of me is me? (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Another one that I cried to while drawing hehe ♪ Hhhhh I love their dynamic so much <3 <3 ;;#Sans' apparent disinterest in hurting Gaster is deeply interesting to me - we see him punch Gaster in Mercyplates even! :0#I can't help but feel that a good portion of it is Papyrus being there with him when Gaster gives them his arm haha#Would he have been as well-behaved if he'd been by himself? I wonder :)#But generally I read it as him having grown up <3 They've both matured so beautifully by that point it's just ah- such a treat to read#Their transition from their childhood to their teens and young adulthood into themselves is just jdlksafhdsfd it's incredibly well written!#I say ''I wonder'' quite a lot lol but that's just speculation - watching them grow into themselves is So Incredibly satisfying <3#It feels so natural to watch them become themselves ♥ It's beautiful ♪♫#And their sibling dynamic is truly unrivaled <3 They support each other! Lift each other up! Where one stumbles the other catches him!#I love them so much ahh#Papyrus' emotional intelligence gets me so bad <3 The sweetest lad#I feel like it would bother Sans that he/they have Gaster's memories and not their own#It makes me especially sad to think about everything he missed of them - if only you hadn't fallen behind on the footage Gaster! >:0#They already have some pretty incredible identity issues just throw being pieces of him in every sense into the mix#They're grown from him and even when they got away and built themselves that still got subplanted with memories that aren't even theirs!#It's a rough spot#Papyrus though ♥ Always knows what to say hehe#Reaffirming that Sans is the most important person to him - that they are to each other - that no matter what they're brothers#And that no matter what - even having Gaster's memories or being without memories at all - that Sans is a good person#That it's not out of self-preservation or trying to do it for Papyrus' sake (even if that is a lot of it haha)#That /Sans/ is the one making that decision of his own volition and his own morals and beliefs#And that he loves and supports him no matter what <3#''I know you can be a good person. You can choose to do the right thing'' and ''I see you being a good person. You're doing the right thing'#Hhhh <3 I love them <3
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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bugs in a bath. what will they do (tenderly soothe each other's hurts)
you know the drill by now. go go go read that makes two of us, then by @queruloustea. i am very gently and politely but very firmly steering you towards ao3.
#hollow knight#quirrel#quirrelhollow#the hollow knight#thk#such a good chapter. absolutely obsessed. hollow's little mannerisms and slow-growing acceptance of their Wants#quirrel not knowing quite how to handle being Looked After#the little chin kiss. immaculate#the only thing that kept me from lying down on the floor after reading was 1. the fact that i was in public when i read and#2. the immediate overwhelming urge to make fanart that always grips me on update days#no time for floor emotions. there are bugs to draw#anyway. quirrel is so squishable. round little fellow#hopefully still recognizable
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So my brain is at it again...
And this time it wanted to inform me that it would be very interesting with an amnesia fic where Ga On loses his memories but can still detect emotions related to those memories. Just imagine the possibilities.
Quick disclaimer: I'm sure there are several amnesia fics in the fandom already — maybe even one exactly like this — but I haven't read them so I'm just going to tell you all about it anyway because, to me, it's a new idea xD
Anyhow.
Imagine him waking up at the hospital, sometime during the later half of the drama (maybe he got shot instead of Soo Hyun and complications led to him getting memory loss — idk, let's handwave it for the sake of the scenario), and he's met by Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And while Ga On can't say what their names are, he can tell that he knows them. He can't access the memories but he feels the affection and the trust and accepts that they must have been a part of his life previously. And, understandably, they become the rocks he clings to because everything is new and confusing. He can still remember how to do basic things — he could probably even drive if they put him inside a car — but not who he is.
And Soo Hyun and Professor Min are going to have a rough time explaining some of it, no doubt.
Like, imagine the pain when Ga On asks where his parents are and even before Soo Hyun or Professor Min say anything, Ga On feels a rush of grief and anger. Because he doesn't remember them dying, but his body remembers the anguish of that tragedy all the same.
Some things are more humourous, though. Like: "... why is my face plastered all over the city? Am I famous?" Ga On would be so confused because the emotions he feels as he sees billboards with his own face aren't necessarily good ones. He mostly feels embarrassed and self-conscious. But he is kind of proud when he hears that he's a judge. It must mean he's smart.
Anyhow. The real fun part begins when Soo Hyun brings Ga On back to his apartment and Ga On is like: "Yeah, this is familiar." But he can also tell that, no, it's not right. It's not home. It feels cold and stale, as if he's not really living there anymore. And he doesn't understand why. Because, according to Soo Hyun, he's been doing so since he was a kid. But Ga On just shrugs his confusion off because, all things considered, he trusts Soo Hyun more than his own memory.
Also, imagine when he asks Soo Hyun if he has a girlfriend and she looks stunned, then awkward, then shy, and starts giving some mumbled response that no, he doesn't — at least not that she knows of. And Ga On has an "oh" moment because her behaviour makes it very clear that she'd want to be that girlfriend. But then he'd get confused because what he feels when he looks at her is a lot of warmth and love, sure, but not that kind of love.
Because this Ga On doesn't have years of memories to confuse him and muddle their relationship — he just feels the emotions. And, from his currently pretty objective point of view, it doesn't seem like romantic love.
He may love Yoon Soo Hyun very much, but he's not in love with her.
He doesn't tell her that, of course, because that would be rude, but he definitely makes a mental note to be careful with how he acts around her because he doesn't want to accidentally lead her on.
And it continues like that, with Ga On trying to navigate the world with nothing but emotions to go on. Which, obviously, will sometimes become very overwhelming for him, but he's stubborn so he'd still try and, of course, do his best to recover his memories. And some start to trickle in eventually, but it mostly old ones that are very deeply ingrained in his psyche.
Eventually, Professor Min decides to bring Ga On to the Supreme Court. Not to make him go back to work or anything — that would probably be disastrous considering the state Ga On is in — but to see if any of it can jog Ga On's memory. And sure, Ga On can tell that he's been in his office before and he can tell that he's met Jin Joo before — he feels both intimidated and bewildered by her — but nothing really stands out. All of it is just like ghostly silhouettes of a former life he knows he must have had but can't see clearly.
And then he meets Yo Han.
Just sees him from afar at first — Yo Han isn't even looking in Ga On's direction — but the familiarity still hits Ga On like a freight train. That is someone he knows as instinctively as he knew Soo Hyun and Professor Min. And before Ga On can really think things through, he just walks up to Yo Han because, clearly, this man is important. Ga On can tell that this man is important because his heart starts racing, his breaths go shallow, and he's suddenly overwhelmed by such a myriad of confusing and conflicting emotions he can't even sort them out. Some are negative — even outright alarming — but there's also joy and fondness and longing.
Which just makes him even more confused when Professor Min catches up and explains that this is Ga On's boss. And said boss looks at Ga On with what he first thinks is bland indifference. But the longer he stands there — and listens to Professor Min tersely explaining what they're doing there to Yo Han with half an ear — Ga On realises that, no, that's not indifference. There's something underneath it — a spark of something else he can't name but can definitely tell means something. And he desperately wants to know what that something is. He wants to scratch at it until he can peel away the layer of indifference hiding it from sight.
He needs to know.
But then, not long after that thought has crossed his mind, Ga On is reminded of the fact that this is, apparently, his boss. His male boss. And Ga On really shouldn't be feeling any of the things he's feeling. But, at the same time, he can't just ignore it. Because this is what a connection should feel like.
He might not have a girlfriend but, clearly, he has someone he's in love with.
And that's a little daunting, not to mention disorienting. Because Yo Han doesn't look approachable at all, and there is also a lot of frustration and anger mixed in with the much happier emotions when Ga On looks at Yo Han. There's just so much. And Ga On is confused because he can't really see himself falling in love with the man in front of him. Yo Han doesn't look like a very kind man.
And then, suddenly, Ga On realises that he has no idea if Yo Han knows that Ga On is in love with him. Maybe they're even a couple? It sure seems like they could be considering the attachment Ga On feels. He gets impulses to be physical in a way he hasn't with anyone else he's met thus far. He felt comfort hugging Soo Hyun, sure, but this is something else entirely. This is a need burning inside of him, urging him to draw closer to Yo Han.
He kind of wants to kiss Yo Han, right there in the corridors of the Supreme Court.
But Ga On can't be sure because Yo Han isn't exactly easy to read and aside from that spark of something when he looks at Ga On, Yo Han is impenetrable. And, if they were a couple, wouldn't Yo Han have insisted on finding Ga On earlier? Even if they have some sort of secret relationship that Soo Hyun clearly isn't aware of? Shouldn't Yo Han look more worried?
So maybe they're not together? And Ga On is just hopelessly in love with his boss? A boss who, judging by the way he looks at Ga On, might not even like Ga On.
Whichever it might be, Ga On realises he has to find out. His old memories are already trickling in, slowly but surely, but they're all of Soo Hyun and Ga On's parents and stuff that happened ages ago. And Ga On wants to know more about his life now. He wants to know more about Yo Han.
And he desperately needs to know if his feelings are reciprocated.
Even if it will definitely break his heart if he finds out that they're not.
...
SO YEAH.
It would be quite fun, wouldn't it? If I can find a way to make the story relatively short, I might just write it. Because I'm really intrigued by the concept of Ga On still having the emotions attached to the memories, but not the memories themselves. So he'll remember being both frustrated by and attracted to Yo Han. But without all the memories and years of influence from Professor Min and Soo Hyun fresh in mind, he wouldn't understand the negative emotions as much, nor put as much weight on them.
And it would be interesting to see how that would change their dynamic.
Because some of Ga On's behaviour would still be the same — he'd still be stubborn, righteous, a bit awkward etc. — but he'd also be freer. And a lot freer to act.
So that would be interesting, I think?
And now my brain will hopefully let go of this story and let me focus on other things for a while
#Amethystina Writes#Gahan#The Devil Judge#Tbh I've never written an amnesia fic#So that would be something new for me#But god knows I already have too much to write#But again#If I can make it short#Then maybe#Because the concept is so much fun#Ga On's emotions are always a blast#And just imagine him acting on them with little to no thought behind them#The world isn't ready x'D#I mean#He's not going to go out and embarrass himself#Because again#He's still GA ON#But he wouldn't be quite as rigid#Yo Han would have the time of his LIFE
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I think the reason Orym returns to the Ludinus point is that we are discussing the destruction of the gods because Ludinus is making an active plan to kill them now. He is the reason they are having this discussion in the first place, and until he is taken care of, the gods discussion will always exist within the context of Ludinus and the Vanguard, and their plan sucks! it will almost surely cause destruction far far greater than anything the gods can do behind the divine gate. Orym isn’t pro-gods (or even pro-status quo) so much as he is anti-calamity II.
#my orym post has been garnering some discussion on twitter and it helped me get this thought into words#I don’t like the sentiment that orym is using his trauma as a ‘weapon to shut down the god convo’ bc his trauma IS relevant#everyone else’s trauma is too! but what does it matter if we should kill/dethrone the gods if the only way of doing that rn—#—is letting Ludinus do it.#and orym isn’t weaponizing his trauma; he’s using it to make a strong argument AND it happens to be quite emotionally heavy#but the emotional toll Ludinus is inflicting is a valid reason to stop him. that’s why it’s being made#critical role#orym of the air ashari#eve talks
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Rough WIPs / doodles for DnD Qalaari ! We haven't started our campaign yet but I’m taking that time to try to figure out how she might look a little ! I’m not quite There™ yet in terms of showing how heavy and massive she is and feels (I really want her to feel like a draft horse... but with horns, because minotaur >:^) ) Her minotaur design is mainly based on 1) her Charr design from GW2 and 2) an animal called a takin ! They’re big & extremely cute goats that live around the Himalayas. I’m playing her as a Path of the Beast Barbarian - but she doesn't like raging so... it’ll be a tug of war between my and my DM to force me to use my full kit in fights >8^D Last picture is a little drawing of her and @ependasketchpad ‘s super cool tough lady, Tarja ! They’re taking a bit of a rest and down time so that Qalaa can engrave Tarja’s tusks 😊
#beary sketch#qalaari#qalaa#qalaari croquelune#im so glad i'm digging out my big girl again nowadays#she's so SO dear to my heart...#one day she'll get a girlfriend i promise i'll find that for her LMAO one day#she doesnt get to be happy quite yet tho :^)#blorbo suffering priviledge#can't wait to start our campaign and put her in the fucking emotions blender#because let me tell you guys#my DM has MATERIAL to make her suffer#and knowing him her WILL use it#dnd#dungeons and dragons#minotaur#anthro#dnd art#dnd character#barbarian#dnd barbarian
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Happy EDS awareness month!
I'm a webcomic artist with EDS. be aware.
EDS affects many parts of my life. I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and I need to use a cane! I often find myself ruminating on themes of chronic illness in my work, whether or not I am intending to include them.
I already can't paint anymore, it hurts my hands too much... Anything that requires small details or precise motions will hurt me for days. I have a lot of grief around it. But working digitally allows me to still create!
I animate, I illustrate, I get to tell my stories. I have to go slow, take huge breaks (often against my will) and recover slowly. But, working in this space allows me the grace to do this.
So, I just wanted to share a bit of my experience with my audience, and say thank you for reading my work and supporting me! It means the world to me, and I hope maybe someone in my audience feels a little more seen through me sharing this. It causes me pain, but I love myself; and that includes my disability.
#I thought about putting my comic patreon and kofi links on here but it felt wrong#I really want this post to just be for my audience!#just so you can feel a little seen and just learn a little more about me#I am NOT inviting invasive questions#this is NOT opening the door to discussion on ways it affects my life#this is me sharing a limited glimpse into a part of my personal life#the real pain that this has caused me is shit like my bfs mom telling him to break up with me over it#and people calling me slurs and whatever#I mean obviously the pain itself too but#yeah.#I dont want to talk about that trauma to my thousands of followers in a way they can reblog it and share it around#so#this is all just for you guys#I love you!#thank you for being here#it's the only reason I'm able to create#is because of the support people give me.#well. I mean actually cause of the support webtoon is giving me tbh#I do NOT make enough to quit yet#but the support from my audience keeps me going and makes all the shittiness of my job worth it#it reminds me that creating stories is worth it all#the physical and emotional pain!#so thank you for keeping me motivated and going
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i cannot stop thinking about ian rider. more specifically, how alex had so many unprocessed feelings about him after his death. imagine being an orphan, getting adopted by your uncle as a baby, having him raise you for 14 years then discovering he lied to you your entire life. that he [unintentionally or not] trained you to be something you never wanted to be under the guise of bonding with you. never being able to ask him what his actual intentions were because he's dead. never getting closure for it. im going to throw up.
#i remember reading stormbreaker for the first time and i could not stop crying the entire book#i have big emotions dont blame me#but seeing alex follow in ian's footsteps quite literally seeing and living through what lead to his death#it fucked me up#i dont remember if it was outright stated in the books but alex wondering the entire time if ian even loved him?#it wasn't framed directly but thats how i interpreted it#i cant even coherently put into words all my thoughts about this#ontop of everything else this is one of the core things that makes me so emotional over this silly little book series like holy shit#alex my son i just want to give you a hug#alex rider#alex rider books#ian rider#please don't get me started about my thoughts of whether or not ian did in fact love him#my head might explode#these books fucked up my brain chemistry permanently
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HI FRIENDS ‘lil update for you since I’ve been so scarce—
‘TNV’ is on a temporary hold because I’M GETTING A NEW JOB YAY!!! 🎉🔥🎊🍾💃🎉🎉🔥 Even BETTER news is now I’ll have a bit more time to write turtle angst ehehehe >:3
That being said, I gotta get some things settled before i can get back to TNV. I’m so sorry I’m behind on asks and artwork but I promise I’ll catch up soon!! Thank you guys for your patience I promise I’m not ignoring you ;w; things are just bonkers right now but it’s also very exciting
I wish i had something a bit more special planned for the anniversary tomorrow (HUH???) but rest assured I’ll be back at getting you Turtle Angst before too long (`・ω・´)ゞ
#thank u guys for being patient weh#’dude you just missed the craziest of crazies. cats. tiki bars. antique malls. MOM???#‘argument. Competition. Running a half marathon. Coming here and telling you 🎶I quit my toxic joooob🎶#ALSO ANNOVERSARY TOMORROW WHAT??????#HELLO?????#I had. no idea.#someone mentioned it and I was like THE WHAT#just wow#man.#it’s making me Big Emotional ;w;#I promise I’m still gunna finish#I’m too Unwell for this fic to stop lol#pastel prattling
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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